Word of the Day:顕著

I never thought I would do this but, I ended up buying a bunch of ramen to last me this month. I went a little fancier because I decided to get like the protein cups, which has 16g of protein and less sodium, but I figured that could at least last me to the end of the month, and by then I'll get paid again and can use cash to buy some food until the next installment of food stamps.

I might have to keep doing this though just to create a positive account in my account, whether I finish cleaning the fridge or not.

I also ran out of paper towels so I have to wait until Monday when the amazon order comes in.

I know if I do this, my body is going to continue to become uglier. The only way I could combat it is if i start exercising more but, I don't know how I can fit that in if I am already struggling with chores, but I figure.. this might be partially a mental block for the fact that my chores are like, piled up right now.

Once I get caught up, perhaps I will have more mental room for it. Also! I woke up at a decent time today so, that gives me an advantage, even if it is only for today.

Also I have my timer system so, I am staying on task either way. I bought a replacement cord for my external harddrive... but neither cord works on it.. I think unfortunately the usb port has damaged enough to where any cord won't work with it anymore, which makes me very sad. I don't know if that can be fixed but I will wait until the ACT team "needs to see me" again to ask for a ride to Staples or something.

I mean, I could walk there, but because it was so cold and I was walking around barefoot, my feet have calloused up pretty badly now and there is a very annoying crack between my toes of all places so, I can't easily pedegg it off as I could say, if it were on my heel or something.

Mmm, I am not happy in my situation, no. I had an opportunity to really better myself this weekend, but I couldn't take it and I will be disappointed for a while about that. But, I got to just think that hopefully there will be other opportunities like that again in the future.

As I have explained before, getting a simple restaurant job or.. what do they call them, like low-wage? won't be useful for me. Because when you're on SSI, they garnish your earnings after a while, so you have to make a significant jump in income to basically go over the trap. I haven't successfully done this yet, but I am sure I will be able to eventually. I mean, it is really sad saying this at 36 years old... that I haven't been able to do this yet. But, I have to ignore this. I have to just use all the power I have to change this as I can.

I also know that living here is also it's own barrier as well. Like, I just have barrier after barrier after barrier... You would think having an aunt with a 6 million dollar net worth would help, but she is too much of a bitch to help her family in a significant way. I mean, I didn't even just ask for money, I gave her a full pitch deck of my ideas and she was like,

" So what? "