If It Looks Like Shite.

"If it looks like shite, it probably is."

I saw what I've seen so many times, like a bad trip. Someone taking a jug of something that looked off. Not right. But they took it all the same. Drank it down like it was mother's milk.

The old adage ran through my head. A lot of people love to pretend that things are better than they are because they don't want to face the truth. That things are more fucked than that wee lassie that hangs around Four Corners in Glasgow, selling her 'wares' at the behest of some stoic motherfucker called Vlad or Viktor.

I was the same. I and so many people were. Sometimes these things creep like death. Sometimes they hit like a nuclear bomb, but other times, yes, they creep. Insidious.

One day you are careful what you ingest. Only drinking the right things, eating the right things, choosing the right people and saying the right things. You go to bed at reasonable times, eat your fruit and veg and get enough calcium, protein and the right kinds of fats and carbs. Carefully monitor your alcohol and caffeine consumption.

That's where I found myself. Getting up from three hours of sleep beside a woman whose name I hadn’t bothered to keep, I went out for a saunter by daybreak.

The luminous red and yellow shone down on me from a naked, cloudless sky. I stopped at the local fried shite bar and didn't bat an eyelid at the sight of shitty tacos. All the customers had the same idea as me and were lining up for their intake.

Someone even stopped beside my spot in the queue and looked like he had drawn the shortest straw in a "who gets garotted next" competition.

But aye, he ate his shitty fucking taco up like a good boy and kept walking.

I must have ate my shitty taco a bit too quickly. Was very hungry you see. Because I vomitted it all up, next to several others doing the same.

Oh well, it helped clear me out and set me up fur the rest of the day.

It was a weekday so a workday. Down the shite farm.

Shovelling shite for the masses. Irony?

No. Because what else is there.

A lady got thrown into.the gutter today for daring suggest we wore proper PPE.

Does she think we live in mansions and can throw money on useless rubber?

The population was growing and we saw that as prosperity.

Children bring untold happiness. Remember when you didn't have to repeat that as a mantra.

Children were the way forward.

The urinal fountains and shitefarns didn't run on thin air, after all.

I knew this fella, who is regularly meet for pints of piss. He was full of shite, not just the tacos and organic salads tho, actual shite came out of his mouth evetytime he spoke.

He claims there was a time when we didn't just shovel shite from the farm, when from farm to table meant something different.

He was good for the craic, I'll admit that. But he was no right in the head.

I was concerned for his safety to be honest and that he might groom others, more gullible into believing his fantastical delusions.

But what could I do.

Then I remembered something I saw on a leaflet i.shobef in my pocket.

"Your Government Needs You

Don't let dissenters and terrorists bring you down to their level.

If you believe someone you know and even love is spreading libellous and dangerous anti-government propaganda, you could be penalised along with the guilty party by not contacting the number below immediately and reporting them"

I wasn't ever one to consider myself a grass but Old Mick has been spouting his shite to younger more impressionable ones lately.

People are starting to listen to him.

Dumb fucks.

I want to help people but I fear he may beyond anything but professional governmental help.

I set on my decision until a little lady called Lovely Linda tried to stop me from eating my shitty tacos. Threw it down the drain, stupid bitch.

"Thank you for calling and helping your government Mr Deutsch, your invaluable information has been passed onto the relevant agents and will be acted on as a matter of urgency."

I could finally sleep, certain I’d done my bit to keep the world in line.