How Do You Know You Can Trust Someone?

I have been burned a few times by people I thought I trusted. So these days, I pretty much don’t trust anyone except my immediate family.

It’s not that I don’t like them, it’s simply that I am weary of people in general. And it takes me a long time to let my guard down with someone new.

How Can You Tell Ahead of Time if Someone is Trustworthy?

In this Psychologuy Today article author Judith Fein says you can look for tell tale characteristics:

1. Do they do what they say they will do?

2. Are they honest even when it is uncomfortable?

3. Do they admit when they are wrong?

That is the big one for me. I find that people who won’t admit their mistakes are shallow, unreliable and often dishonest. I wouldn’t trust them as far as I could throw them.

You’re probably thinking it takes time to discover a person’s character traits. That is true! So, don’t rush into a relationship with someone who hasn’t show their true colors yet. What is the hurry?

This Reddit post speaks volumes. the OP is wondering whether he/she can ever trust anyone again. The comments were priceless.

One person wrote:

“One cannot allow others to change how we love. That person who took what you gave and squandered it, is merely one person. It hurts, I know, but billions of others will not do the same. Your trust and love is pure, give it freely again even if the next does the same. Soon you'll find those who give it back and you'll dance in it.”

The other comment was a little more jaded:

“Depends on how bad the burn was. 1st degree burn? Be more careful. 3rd degree burn? Stop playing with fire.”

I agree with both. There are some wonderful people out there and some real scum bags. Pretty soon, you will become adept at how to spot the real ones from the fake people…The genuine caring individual and the manipulative idiot who is out to get what they can from whomever they can.

Right now, I am reading the book Strangers by Belle Burden. It is a fascinating dissection of a marriage. Belle was blindsided by her husband of more than 20 years. She really thought she could trust him…And most people likely would as well. But it turns out he was probably after her pedigree from the beginning.

She married him after only a few months. Could the whirlwind courtship be considered a form of love bombing?

This article says yes. Love bombing is a form of emotional manipulation and anyone can become a target. You just need to be on the lookout for these types and never, ever trust them.

How to Spot a Love Bomber

First they talk about forever, then they subtly criticize; then they guilt you. The Tandem Psychology article goes on to say you should set boundaries, rebuild trust in yourself and seek therapy.

For me, the betrayals were financial not emotional. Yet, for a while afterward I lost confidence in my own ability to spot a fraud, because I had assumed I was so good at judging character.

It took me a while to regain that confidence. Now, because of my experiences, I feel I am a better judge of character. I look at people much differently…Less naive and more jaded you could say. And I don’t easily let people in. But I still trust. It’s just that now you have to earn that trust. And honestly, shouldn’t everyone feel that way?

It would be nice if we could trust people blindly because they seem nice, but that’s not how the world works, is it?