Cerina Galvan
Bio
I’m an active writer who dreams of writing tales that inspire people.
Stories (48)
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God where art thou?
I remember the time I felt seen but it wasn’t by someone extraordinary. Just an ordinary person who lived an ordinary life and found me along the way wanting to be apart of theirs. Then, something hit me. It was like a dark cloud came storming in. Suddenly I begged God to help me. I’ve never begged for anything in my life and what I don’t understand is why if I begged for help would he leave me in the dark for so long. Perhaps, it’s a test I use to think. Then I realized that no one came to rescue me except the people who cared about me, truly cared. I started to think that maybe god are those people. After all he created them, right. The concept of god was so hard for me to wrap my mind around especially since my mind has lived in the dark for so long. So, long it’s exhausted me to the point of constant depression. I wake up everyday depressed. Waiting, wandering for a sign something that will lead me down a path I will feel fulfilled in. I tend to feel nothing these days and it scares me because if I don’t have the feeling of caring then what is the point of me living. I go day by day smiling but inside I feel like I’m dying slowly. I can’t get my thoughts in order. I rather feel the feeling of being stressed like a normal person does then feel empty inside. So, god where art thou? I ask. Perhaps I should pray more but I feel like I’m just talking to myself most of the time. God I see everyone around me living their life and I’m not living mine. I’m simply helping everyone else live theirs. Maybe that’s why I’m so depressed. I’m forcing myself to be something or someone I’m not happy to be. I hate this idea. This idea of not being happy anymore. I hope one day god hears me and I hope that day is now. God it’s going to be seven years since I’ve been in the dark. Fighting my way out of it. I tried praying for you to take it away but for some reason it still lingers around me like a cloud. I blame myself for it. I can see myself shrinking into a tiny black hole and my existence only matters to others not even myself anymore. What do I do god? It’s so hard for me to feel this way. I shouldn’t feel this way. I’m actually feeling things now. Except those feelings are negative I want to feel whole. I want to feel joy. I want to feel peace. I wish this was a positive testament to the extraordinary life I got to live. This is still me stuck in the dark. Wanting out. If only I can see a glimpse of the light somehow then, only then will I begin to feel hopeful. Then hope will arise and I can be joyful again. I can see the sun and feel the warmth against my skin and believe that warm people exist and see them for who they are. I can feel the cold air and only wish to be present in it. Embracing the rain for gods tears wrap for me to know that I’m an extraordinary person. Even if I can’t see it now I hope one day I will. I hope I can see the people around me and instantly feel joy. Feel joy beyond my wildest dreams and love dreams beyond my own comprehension.
By Cerina Galvanabout a year ago in Confessions
My First Time Praying
I wasn't sure how I became so depressed and self-destructive. I remember wanting so badly to be content with myself. But, no matter what I did I couldn't be. Not on my own. I believe now, that we are born with challenges that we must face to grow and learn about the beauty of love, or God. I didn't know this then the first time I cried for his help, his sovereignty.I was crying because I was lost, lost inside my mind where I've laid or relied on my entire life.
By Cerina Galvan2 years ago in Wander
This One is About God
I have to say, that my journey to God has just begun. It's been a long time coming. I remember as a child not understanding who Jesus was but sung songs about him. I felt this inkling towards God but not toward Jesus. So, because of my lack of wisdom, I decided not to be a believer. I roamed through life thinking I was something good, someone great. Which fed my ego to believe that nothing is wrong with what I do, the mistakes I make, and I became selfish. I still find myself being that way sometimes. I became so selfish, that I had no intention of listening to no one about how I should live my life. That was until I became depressed. Then something happened to me unexpectedly. I developed a mental disorder called schizoaffective disorder. I remember the episode being in my head filled with hallucinations, delusions, and voices. I never thought something like this would happen to me.
By Cerina Galvan2 years ago in Confessions
Not For Me
She woke up wanting to scream but nothing came out besides the feeling of exhaustion. This wasn't the first time she encountered a black demon-like person trying to have sex with her in her dream. She never experienced sex with a man, only a woman. So, she didn't understand why she would experience such anguishingly demonic dreams of sex. It was as if she was mad at herself for not sleeping with a man or something was.
By Cerina Galvan2 years ago in Horror
A Love Lost. Content Warning.
It was the middle of May and she had finally worked up the courage to try dating again. After many years believing she was better off alone. She had this urge in her to find someone that could make her feel whole or push her the be the best version of herself. It was a good thought. Until, she found someone wasn't who he had said he was.
By Cerina Galvan2 years ago in Confessions
Lost in the Snow
Last night happened so fast I didn't know what I was doing. I took a drive to the mountains without realizing it had snowed the night before. I had enough money saved for a car. Instead I drove up the mountain top near the desert and found myself in a cabin the next day. I have to figure out how to fix this, I thought. Suddenly a knock at my door is exchanged and a beautiful brown-haired girl covered in white icicles is in front of me, again. "What are you doing here" I proclaimed. "I just had to make sure you were okay" she said. "I thought you were through with me" I said. "I wanted to be sure you were okay". "Come in?" I asked. She backed off. "I can't make you happy Bill, you have to do that yourself I just wanted to say goodbye" she explained with a teary eye. I didn't understand, I shouldnt't have left. In that moment, I looked down at the icy snow and gave it one last shot. "Your my peace when we fight I feel lost and when we don't I feel seen in the quietest of ways" "I love you, I need you" I said softly. " No, all you ever needed was to feel less alone. I can't be that for you anymore, I'm tired". Without hesitation, she storms off to her car and leaves me in the dry snow as it buckles underneath her car. She's gone.
By Cerina Galvan2 years ago in Chapters
Im stuck inside my head
Let’s talk about the mind, there’s so much going on. There’s a festival of unrealistic ideas flowing through my mind day in and day out. Perhaps that’s why I’m so quiet. I live there, in my head. Obsessing over my ideas like they are the world’s greatest ideas waiting to be put to paper. Why am I like this? They wonder what I’m thinking but I’m afraid to let it out. Sometimes I think they’ll laugh at me or put my ideas down. Other thoughts roam through my head. I hear voices too, like another universe is telling me things I don’t want to hear. Then my mind lets me down and I question everything that I want to do. My mind convinces me my ideas are nothing, but ideas and they can’t be the ultimate answer to everything that makes me who I am.
By Cerina Galvan2 years ago in Confessions
A Piece of Me
"You’re not good at anything" the voice whispered as I sat down to complete my work for school. It was nearing the end of the term and I was so close to getting my degree. I needed to stay concentrated but of course the voices I heard came like a daunting force inside my head. "I’m not good at anything?" I replied as I slowly started to sink into my chair. Not finding the words to write my research paper due that night. "I guess so I mean what I have succeeded in. Nothing. I mean what am I even great at? I’m a failure, if anything." I had let the voices torment me into believing I was worthless for a long time. Years had passed by and I still couldn’t get it out of my head. Memories of me not getting to play long term in basketball a dream of mine came pouring into my head. The jobs I lost, and the times I quit at something just ravaged through my mind. One particular memory of my coach telling me I had heart but couldn’t continue because I didn’t have enough skill. The whole I don’t have enough skill happened to me more than once in my life and this stuck with me.
By Cerina Galvan3 years ago in Confessions
