Word of the Day: 躊躇

The ramen noodles were too much of a temptation for me. Not that I have overate in terms of calories but, I had a strict rationing of my provisions for each day that I was trying to adhere to and because I was cold from the weather and my feet hurt from cracking, I have taken to "eating too much" to feel better about myself.

Since I am finally in a normal human calorie count, I find myself too awake this late of night; I finally have adequate carbohydrates to sustain me so, I have energy to do stuff. This would all be good news to me if it weren't for my feet hurting as much as they are. They are even bleeding so I am needing to buy Neosporin to put on them before I can do the TODO of "lotion feet".

Some friend asked if we could hang out soon... I don't really want to. Not just because of my foot but, I feel like doing something more productive than just "hanging out". If someone comes up with a good idea, maybe I'll do something, but if it is too normal or boring, I am not interested. I can do boring stuff by myself.

I also finished off my 64 fl oz. Cranberry juice... I am a little bit worried about my sodium intake right now since, well, even though this is Protein Cup Noodle, it still probably has a high amount of sodium in it. Plus I am sure the cranberry juice has some hidden sodium in it too.

I think I am probably going to start my period soon. I usually get kind more hungry during that time so, maybe my body is sort of preparing for that.

That kind of annoys me because, I have already got done being sick and being all these other things, I don't want to bleed for another week.

I also bought chips, which wasn't a good idea but, I had like 2 dollars away from free overnight delivery so I just bought something sort of cheap to get it to the dollar amount.

I really can't wait until I am completely finished with cleaning so I can dedicate a whole day to my self care list. But, the injured foot makes this pretty hard so, I am not sure what to do:

• Do I try to fandangle some purchases to make another overnight delivery quota?
• Or do I order it right away and wait a few days before I get my ointment?

Oh, apparently I already reached it with some of the food I am ordering. Great, one less thing to think about.

I have to make phone calls and prepare myself for tomorrow since I am going to appointments, which is annoying.

I don't know how I went to bed feeling like I was all caught up, now that I am awake in the next morning (1pm) I feel like I am behind again. Like I explained before though, I have energy so, that helps. Also the weather is really nice. That's a blessing.

But when I woke up it sort of confirmed by concerns about sodium because my eyes were super puffy when I woke up.

I am in good mood though, and also I have energy. Yea, my feet hurt but that has been my whole life it seems.

I sort of just made a realization that.. How should I put this, I should only write here when I feel like I need to. Because I think my mind at times has said " I need to write " because I wanted to complete a certain amount of stories, but that isn't why I write. I write for myself so... I need to keep away from that mentality. It isn't right for me.