married
The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.'
What did I know about it?
I was raised in a blended family. I had a stepdad for the first fifteen years of my life. I never knew why my mom did not marry him, all I do know is the relationship ended. So, what would a young lady like myself know about marriage? I knew absolutely nothing about having a loving, exchanging, selfless, successful relationship. After all, how could I? I saw some adult people married and with a family, but what did it take to have that? I did not grow up seeing marriage as a partnership between two people that love and respect eachother, working on themselves to be a better person the way marriage insist that you become, a better person. One way is putting your spouse before yourself. I was told once that you get out of the marriage box what you put into the marriage box. I thought that was the truest statement I had ever heard. Whatever you put in the marriage box is what you get back means if you don't show selfless love to your spouse, you don't make his plate or wait on him, do not expect that in return, and those are small examples. If you do not encourage him when needed and respect him all the time, do not expect that in return. No relationship besides marriage demands that you look into the mirror at yourself and stop pointing and blaming your spouse for your shortcomings. You also have to stare at that mirror and look deep into yourself and see what you need to work on as a person? Are you happy with yourself? Are you angry because your spouse does not seem to understand you? Do you feel like you are always the one doing the forgiving? If you are not happy with yourself, your spouse cannot make you happy. You have to do what makes you happy, do not depend on him to make you happy, he can be a part of your happiness but he is not responsible for your happiness, you are. I have felt misunderstood quite a few times in my relationship but guess what? My spouse is not a mind reader, I had to figure out a way to communicate myself to him in a way that he would understand. I had to speak gently, and without an attitude, it had to be at the right time because I do not want to look like a complaintant in a court case. I had to find a way to stop the silence in my home. You know the silence when you are in the same house but you are not speaking? That usually happens when no one wants to apologize or accept the fact that they are all the way wrong and they need to be accountable for what they did and apologize and move forward, life is way too short nowadays and we do not want to be here one day and gone the next, and it happened to be the day that you two were mad at eachother. With silence instead of communication and understanding comes unforgivness. This can go on for days, but this type of dealing with the relationship is not dealing at all. What I have learned in my marriage is unforgiveness sometimes stems from not understanding where the other person is coming from. You see when you get married you are marrying the other person and the way they were raised, their morals, culture, perspective and opinion. Sometimes you will not agree, and that is okay because we are individuals and we think differently and sometimes to save time you have to agreee to disagree. For example, I see the half-full glass of water as half full, my spouse may see the half-full glass of water as half empty, does that make me an optimist and him a pessimist? Well, that is a common idiom used to describe people, but am I going to argue about that for two days and waste time that I could be using to enhance my family amungst other tasks that a wife has to do daily, no? I find it better to allow my spouse to calm himself before I may try to speak about some things that I think need to be dealt with. I have also found in a marriage that some things are better left unsaid, why? Because sometimes a spouse needs to work on their own understanding and try to see why the other is feeling this way, is it stemming from wanting to protect my wife from anyone trying to deceive her or take advantage of her? This could happen if you want to try something new or different, or a different financial route for example. Sometimes a disagreement that leads to an argument and then silence and unforgiveness is all because one spouse did not want the other to make a decision that endangers them, or may cause them pain or not benefit the family. Sometimes it is also fear, the fear of not knowing how to deal with the new thing. For the most part, a real man likes to work and provide for his family, he wants to be respected by his spouse, he wants affection and to be loved, and food to eat, which is pretty simple. If we can figure out when and how to communicate with our spouse, we could have a much better house.
By Sabrina McWhorter5 years ago in Families
The Truth, And Nothing but the Truth Will Get You Divorced
"Marriage requires searing honesty at all costs. I learned that from my third wife." – Alan Arkin I have been happily married for decades. In that time, my spouse and I have never separated. Oh, we have had some toe-to-toe, face-to-face, throw-down disagreements but have had many more good days than bad. We base part of our success on dishonesty. The right white lie will keep you together.
By Toni Crowe5 years ago in Families
50/50
Do you believe that marriage is a 50/50 proposition? Pick up any women's magazine such as Family Circle, Women's Day, or McCall's and you will read articles that perpetuate the popular myth that husbands are helpful, supportive and share 50/50 in the housework and family chores. No matter whether a wife stays at home or works outside the home, husbands should help their wives; but they don't.
By Babs Iverson5 years ago in Families
A Warning Label Would Have Been Nice
Warning: Wannabe Mama's boy looking for a loving, maternal woman to fill the void left by his narcissistic, non-maternal, verbally abusive, and manipulative mother. Will love unconditionally, with his whole heart, but comes with an inexplicable attachment to said mother. And his like-minded father.
By Heather C Holmes5 years ago in Families
The Package
She sat at the kitchen table, eyes glossed over as she stared out the window. A small bluebird bounced around the deck outside, but she paid it no mind. Her thoughts were far in the past, ruminating over every moment of her relationship with her husband. The beginning had been so rich and vibrant, every moment a thrill, just as her mother had told her it should be. She remembered the first time he’d touched her hand and their first kiss, the humorous engagement and the disastrous wedding. What a story they’d woven together! Despite the multiple mishaps on that March 18th, the look on his face when he’d first seen her in her wedding dress would forever stay in her mind. To her, it was the purest and loveliest moment of their relationship.
By Amelia Waider5 years ago in Families
Love Isn't Always Enough
The chocolate cake she spent two days making just landed on the floor. The room immediately went silent. All eyes focused on the painfully small eight-year-old birthday boy. The room wasn’t terribly crowded. There were five friends, an assortment of parents, two cousins, and an aunt. Everyone was staring, mouths gaped open. Their breath caught in their throats, waiting to see what would happen next. Suddenly, the little boy flew to his room, as fast as his legs would take him, and slammed the door. His screams echoed throughout the house.
By Jerene Buckles5 years ago in Families
This Old Barn
This old barn has stood for more than three generations. Sometimes while looking at the worn boards and rusting roof, it is hard to believe that this is where so much love, joy, and even pain, started. If our minds carry memories and experiences so vividly that we can smell the fragrant air or feel the softness of the grass, or even taste the last dinner you shared with someone that you loved, then can a place that witnessed those memories also absorb and record each detail - each emotion? I think it can, and this old barn is a testament to it.
By Yolanda Olivia Anderson5 years ago in Families
Should a married daughter take advice from her mother?
Should a married daughter take advice from her mother? Yes, she can (mark my words: she CAN) take advice from her mother because her mother is having more experience than her in life and our parents always think best for us.
By Praveen Sharma 5 years ago in Families
Brown Paper Box
It was a rainy day in the fall in 1992. Valerie had just purchased her second car. The deal was intense, and Valerie had to jump through a lot of loops to get approved. A few days after the purchase she was sitting at home and she received a brown paper box in the mail, it was wrapped in plain brown wrapping. There was no return address on the box, so she was not sure who it was from. It was addressed to her. Next, Valerie opened the box, and a bunch of balloons came out and some gifts were also included. Valerie told myself this is the greatest gift she ever received. What a great surprise and it’s so classy. The dealership sent me a congratulations box. As a single woman at the time, Valerie was dating different men. She was looking for a husband. One night she went out with some friends, and she met a nice man. At that time, she trusted beauty from within. In other words, he was not the most handsome guy. The next day after they met they stayed on the phone all night laughing and he said yes marriage was something he would like to entertain. They became very good friends and they started to fall in love. He kept making a lot of excuses as to why he could not spend time together face-to-face with Valerie. It was a infatuation and Valerie quickly became hooked on his attention. She longed each day for the calls from him. One day along the way he told me he did not want to marry her or be her girlfriend or her wife. He hurt me deep inside. Valerie wanted him gone from this earth that was how deep she hurt. She had been seeing this guy who was not serious to marry her. He was playing a lot of mind games. He pretended they were close but not even friends at times. It was very painful to handle. Well, the woman would not take no for an answer so next she went and bought a large box and wrapped it in brown paper box. Like the one she received from the car dealership. Valerie did not put a return label on the box, and they could not identify it. She put helium balloons and other nice gifts and a I Love You card in the box. She, Valerie, told myself she would win this man’s heart. The news was something she had not been watching much. Her favorite pass time was reading, and she hardly ever watched TV. Valerie found out later on the six o’clock news that many people were receiving boxes and when they opened they were exploding and causing bodily harm. Later she called Samuel and ask, “Did you receive a package”. He confirmed they had received a box with no return label, and they had put it in the middle of the back yard. They were afraid to open the box. Valerie told them it is from me, it’s safe to open. After that they opened it and all the balloons came out and he enjoyed the gift. Around three week later she called Samuel and his mom said she was sorry to inform her he had a stroke and was in the hospital. Love was in her imagination; she quickly went out and bought house shoes and sleep wear and brought it to the hospital. When she arrived, the family mistreated her and did not welcome her visit. Samuel was not taking his blood pressure medicine and so he had a stroke. Miserable was Valerie, why does he not love me she asked herself. Samuel would not love her and he stopped taking her calls even before the stroke, she really loved him. Valerie then met another man and feel in love quickly. After a whirlwind relationship of only two months, Frederick got on his knees and begged for Valerie's hand in marriage. Thankfully she said yes, they married first and then had sex. They had a beautiful wedding with over one hundred in attendance. Their reception was on a boat out of San Pedro, California. Valerie ran into Samuel again he and his family one day. They were able to see her happy face with a man who loved her back. Oh, that Brown Paper Box scared the daylight out of those people. They thought Valerie was a real mentally crazy lady, love struck. The box was a surprise.
By Wanda B Henry5 years ago in Families
I Miss Him
Today started I can all dayToday started Like a normal day I woke up feeling groggy And went from my cigarette Maybe today with different maybe I want to feel the over well men black abyss maybe I would be happy today these are the Thoughts That Ithink every morning while having my cigarette and coffee Today was different Today Simon had to leave his only going for the night he would be back tomorrow evening that didn't stop the anxiety slowly eating away What if he doesn't want to come back What if I end up On my own I couldn't possibly cope on my own this man is my world my whole universe and I don't know how to do this without him A moped about the house for most of the day feeling myself getting more anxious and agitated snapping at him when there was no need to its not that he wants to go away but he needs to just for the night And a few hours tomorrow he promises I can do this and that he will be back as soon as he can I smile and tell him it's ok I reassure him ill be ok but deep down I'm not sure it's true.
By Tiffany Price5 years ago in Families
