trauma
At its core, trauma can be thought of as the psychological wounds that persist, even when the physical ones are long gone.
Here
Here is where the victims of narcissists end up. I feel like these days, narcissism has become this stereotype that’s used to describe people who are assholes. Someone is inconsiderate of someone else’s feelings and it’s BOOM- you must be a narcissist. Personally, I’m not a fan of the word, nor am I a fan of it becoming so glorified. When you really dive into uncovering the entirety of narcissism, the acts, the victims, the gaslighting, the conditioning, it’s not just something to call someone. It’s something and someone who quite literally ruins peoples lives and then blames those people for their own world crashing down around them while the narcissists are the ones driving the bull dozer. It’s intentionally hurting someone, telling them their reaction to your hurtful act is wrong and then dismissing the way you made them feel entirely. It’s emotional warfare and it gets so deep that it’s like holding someone under water until they almost drown, letting them fight to get back up for air and asking them why they put THEMSELVES in that position. Narcissism is conditioning someone into accepting your bullshit with small little things here and there that eventually add up to bigger things and become more frequent until the victim is sitting there questioning their entire life, their entire self and wondering how they got HERE. Where is here, you ask? Here obviously varies from one situation to the next, but there’s always the common denominators such as isolation. Here is alone and not just alone but lonely because you’ve been keeping the red flags from those whom you love the most. Sometimes those loved ones can read between the lines, but you’re told they don’t support you and even if you don’t necessarily believe that, you go along with it because it’s the ‘them or me’ mentality that enduces panic. Here is often financially dependent on the narcissist with the heavy weight of knowing you couldn’t afford to leave even if you wanted to. Here is not only isolated, but lonely and questioning EVERYTHING about yourself. Where did I go wrong? How can I fix this? What’s wrong with me? Oh and my personal favorite, why can’t I do anything right? Here is not where any of us expected to end up. After all, I just wanted to be loved. It felt perfect. Looking back, maybe I did overlook some red flags. Maybe I did begin to allow the disrespect. Maybe I did play a part in my own isolation. Maybe I did also become toxic myself, but I know that’s not who I am. Wait, no seriously, who AM I!? Nothing but a shell of who I used to be as I realize I’m here. Each instance of the emotional abuse has created a new layer of toxic coping mechanisms I’ll have to learn to shed one by one. People talk about all the abuse a narcissist puts you through, but I never see anyone talk about it quite literally becoming your internal dialogue. You spend years being manipulated and you finally see it for what it is, BUT IT DOESNT JUST END. You don’t get to just walk away. Once you leave, you are gifted with the self doubt, the fear of failure, the fear of being alone because after a while you begin to believe you are as worthless as you’re told. It’s easy to write this and it’s easy for you to read this but just sit there and imagine truly believing someone when they tell you that you are a waste of space. That nothing you do is right. That you do not matter. Sit with it and let it sink in and try to really envision what a hopeless place HERE is. I would say that most peoples reaction would probably be, “that’s crazy! I would NEVER allow someone to make me feel that way! Even if they tried, I wouldn’t believe them.” Then you WAKE UP one day and you’re HERE.
By Brittany Dalton4 years ago in Psyche
My Journey with Mental Illness...
I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anxiety at eighteen years old, six years after its onset. At twenty, I was diagnosed with ADHD. At twenty-two, I was diagnosed with mixed bipolar disorder. Unfortunately, all these were and are hereditary illnesses. And doubly unfortunate is that I’ve cycled through a various mixed-nut bag of schizophrenia, OCD, and borderline personality disorder.
By Brittany MacKeown4 years ago in Psyche
Shadows Of My Past
Be silent and listen - Have you recognized your madness and do you admit it? Have you noticed that all your foundations are completely mired in madness? Do you no want to recognize your madness and welcome it in a friendly manner? You wanted to accept everything so accept madness too. Let the light of your madness shine, and it will suddenly dawn on you. Madness is NOT to be despised and NOT to be feared, but instead you should give it life...If you want to find paths, you should also not spurn madness, since it makes up such a great part of your nature...Be glad that you can recognize it, for you will thus avoid becoming its victim. Madness is a special form of the spirit and clings to all teachings and philosophies, but even more to daily life, since itself is full of craziness and at bottom utterly illogical .
By Brent Elliott4 years ago in Psyche
An Empathic Narcissist
What happens when you cross a narcissist with an empath? Apparantly you get a self-centered sociopath who doesn't know how to love anybody but still wants to love everybody. Someone who wants to be alone but also hates being alone. Someone who wants someone to take care of them but also feels guilty and unworthy of that care.
By Dragon Dreamer4 years ago in Psyche
Can I Be Your Kid Tonight?
When you’re a kid, sleepovers with friends can be super fun. You get to eat junk food and watch movies with your besties, then you can whisper to each other long after it’s time for lights out. Sleepovers are childhood adventures, a sign that your parents (and your friend’s parents) think you’re old enough to have friends stay overnight. Most likely, there’s a verbal agreement between parents and special arrangements are made for delivery, duration, and pickup of the visiting child. Fun, right?
By Catherine Kenwell4 years ago in Psyche
A Goodbye to my Father
Dad, I wonder if you look down and see the harm that was done by your death, did you ever think? I used to be so angry with you, asking and screaming up to the sky, "why did you do this to me?" However, it was never about me, it was about you. I was so selfish to think you did not think about your daughter, to not realize how much pain you were in to push yourself to do what you did. You were in pain and you could no longer find the help to heal your aching heart.
By Savanna Moore4 years ago in Psyche
INTENSE
I YELLED IT LOUD AND PLAIN, " Leave me alone!... I'm not interested... I have a husband... if you don't quit, I'll cut your fuckin dick off!" I reached for the knife I'd taken from the table at the restaurant earlier. I was serious. He... they were driving me crazy and no amount of complaints or waving for help had changed the situation. That had become my line of defense.. a warning of pinched nerves for uninvited sexual throes. Uninvited and seemingly part of a game... gender-centered or not. A game... hate game short of the usual punch and slap approach offered by "other than affectionate" men.
By CarmenJimersonCross4 years ago in Psyche
Today I Want to Blow My Head Off
You want to know what living with a brain injury is like? Today, for example, I simply want to blow my head off. Why? It’s not because I’m angry or I want to hurt myself. It’s because the ringing in my ears is so loud, so all-consuming, that it eclipses every other sound around me.
By Catherine Kenwell4 years ago in Psyche
